Everything is awesome, everyone’s amazing.
Every experience is awesome and amazing.
Learn these little words and forget proper phrasing,
'cause everything is awesome and everyone's amazing.

Literature is dying. Nobody's crying,
'cause everybody's got their sunglasses on,
in the supermarket, scavenging like vultures 'round a carcass,
with skinny-leg jeans and skate shoes on.

Everybody's buying, everybody's buying!
Walking plastic bags of happiness straight out the door.
Everybody's smiling, everybody's smiling;
inside their hearts, greed screams for more.

Attention shoppers!
Mind-melting bargains on love up for grabs in aisle 27!
Get your philosophical and religious satisfaction-in-a-can, now, now, NOW!
Christmas is just around the corner shoppers,
be a smart consumer and buy your Easter eggs now!

Shopping shopping shopping shopping
shopping shopping shopping shopping -
is there a greater thrill in life
than shopping shopping shopping shopping?
Glorious shopping!
Have you ever had such fun in your life?

Choices, choices everywhere, choose your drop to drink
by the colours on the bottle, or the sizzle on your steak.
Bump into your mate - make any excuse to get away
So you can carry on shopping with a smile on your face.

Shopping shopping shopping -
boys, we’re going on a bear hunt
to bring some bravado back into the pack.
Shopping shopping shopping shopping,
knick knacks and Kit Kats
get cheaper, the deeper they’re in your backpack.

Running running running running
running running running
‘till the choccies are nothing
but a melted stain.
Shopping shopping shopping.
Weekly trudge on a Tuesday,
a young son helping his Ma out again.

Another public service announcement, shoppers!
You are fat, and ugly and worthless
And nobody has a high opinion of you!
Nobody wants to tell you that, shoppers,
it really breaks my heart to have to tell ya
but honestly! We have a public duty!
It’s for your welfare!
Just imagine what would happen if we let you
walk around thinking you were beautiful!

No, your hair colour makes you look positively pregnant
And those clothes! You poor girl!
Don’t you know jeggings are sooo last year!
Now, gaze over there at that mirror on the wall,
that plasma screen mirror on the wall.
You see that woman? The pretty woman? The skinny woman?
If you can walk like her, look like her, act like her, smell like her,
people will think you’re hot!
And you will be a better person!
100%, your money back, guaranteed*
You’re going to need a few things though, my darling -
and thankfully for you, my dear, I’m very happy to help.

Buy pimple cream, moisturiser,
fake tan and jewellery,
and 20 different types of hair dye too.
Buy protein pills and a skipping rope,
some surgery, and you'll be a whole new you!

Buy summer jackets, Winter shorts,
Autumn somethings -
you'll look just like a princess to behold!
Just make sure you keep on shopping
and you shall never need fear growing old.

Everything is awesome, everyone’s amazing!
The security guards and clerks, everyone's amazing!
The shoplifters and the protesters, they're not quite so amazing,
but them Third World sweatshop workers, over in Burma -
they’re grateful, and they’re invisible, and they’re amazing!

Shopping shopping shopping
Shopping shopping shopping,
this joy I simply cannot contain.
Excuse me for a second, my amazing fellow shoppers!
While I put a little bullet through my brain.